How to be OK with Being Alone.

Our biggest, boldest, constant need is intimacy. We want to feel loved, needed, wanted. We want to be touched, to touch, to experience the presence of others. 

The problem is, many of us rely on other people to provide this intimacy-- and sometimes your family, partners and friends just won't be available for you. Or, they may be available, but not in the way you expect them to be, which creates a whole new set of disappointments.

Relying on others to fulfill a deep basic need is a recipe for disaster. Relationships are forever changing and your needs are constantly shifting. I was never too great at math, but with infinite pieces of uncertainty to take into account, it's going to be rare that everything falls into place and you're completely fulfilled in the intimacy department. 

So, how can you experience intimacy and connectedness if no one else is around? Get intimate with LIFE. 

We tend to live big moment to big moment, skating over the inbetweens.  I can completely check out while folding laundry and suddenly, 30 minutes later, I'm back on this planet and I can barely remember what just happened. In the interim, I missed the opportunity to feel the warmth of newly dried clothes, to smell the sweet scent of clean clothes, to be full of gratitude for the fact I have clothes at all. There's a richness to every moment that's available to you if you click off autopilot and choose to be HERE. 

Surprise, I'm not going to tell you you have to start meditating. (I think you should, though-- for the record.) Meditation is abdominal work for your happiness. Just as you don't want to be floppy and tossed around during a workout, you don't want your mood and emotions to be tossed around during your life. There's a misconception that in meditation you check out and your mind goes somewhere else. Instead, meditation is a constant practice of bringing yourself back to the present. 

If you haven't found the time, energy or courage to sit and meditate, I encourage you to start LIVING meditation. Live mindfully. Cultivate an intimacy with your life that gives you goosebumps and makes you giddy. If you know me, you know I fall madly in love with every sunset and can't stop talking about good looking trees. Sure, I like humans, but if all else fails I will have my moments with sunsets and trees to make my heart plump with lovin. 

Today, try this:

Notice the breeze on your body. How does it feel? (It feels really fcking good, right?)

When washing your hands really acknowledge the water and bubbles. How does it feel? How does it look?

Dance. Alone. With your eyes closed. Get funky and every time your mind wanders to self-consciousness, snap it back to the present and your booty poppin. 

Take a media break. Even for an hour. The constant, instant gratification from social media is like eating junk food. The more you eat it, the more you want it. Retrain your brain to be just as amused by the sunset as it is to see how many likes you just got on instagram. Disconnect to reconnect. 

Do something kind for someone else. Hell, do like 1000 kind things today... then don't tell anyone about it. Donate anonymously, clean up someone else's mess, leave a dollar on a vending machine, pay for the person behind you at the tollbooth. Feel the high of being a stellar person and indulge in the feeling alone. 

Tory Dube2 Comments